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How do you start a new life????

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DESIREE1210 Posted: Wed, Dec 29 2010 11:33 AM

My husband and I ride Harley's have known this life for years. All of our friends are big drinkers and I myself don't drink often but on occassion I do.

My husband is in rehab for alcohol and scripts. I know when we get home he won't be able to hang with our friends, our club, or anyone we actually know. This also is going to change my life too becuase he can't control himself and has a serious disease. 

I'm just scared of all the changes. Honestly, i love my husband more than anything in this world and would do anything for him. I just don't know how were going to start all over again without the world were so a custom too. 

Years ago, i drank alot and did drugs. I stopped on my own well with his help. I no longer do any drugs at all for almost 13 years now, but I occasionally drink. I know my limit and I stop there, maybe because I'm too busy babysitting him, I don't know. When he has to, he controls his drinking, why can't he all the time. maybe that's what i don't get.

So now we have to change our lives and I guess I'm feeling a little resentment.

 

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paw replied on Wed, Dec 29 2010 3:30 PM

Hi Desiree and welcome to the sight.  Congrats on your ability to give up what you did and your 13 yrs.  Big step and great will power...Part of our addiction is lying and broken promises.  

My one main suggestion to you is to find and Alanon or Naranon meeting to attend.  They've walked in your shoes and will be there to help you find ways to deal with him when he gets home.  Signs to look for, boundaries to set and how best to stick with them.  You need support in this, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO IT ALONE.....You have to stay healthy and observant with him so make sure you get the right foods and plenty of rest.  

I got sober a little over 19 yrs ago.  I didn't go into rehab because I wanted to.  I had an invitation via the court system and my husband was so angry with me.  I did it at first so I could stay in my home, drive my vehicle and maybe someday be able to write a check again  Now I stay sober because I know I CAN'T drink responsibly and I don't want to give up my sobriety time.  

Please look into some support for yourself.  And you'll just have to tell your friends that he's not going to be able to go to drinking parties for awhile.  Keep posting and letting us know how it goes.

today is the next step in the journey......paw

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Thanks Paw, I have thought about attending Alanon as someone in the program actualy reached out to me.

To be honest I'm at the end of the rope with him. I love this man so much but my health and well being are more important to me now. He had me going insane, he started getting physical with me from the drugs and I fought back. My head was racing 24/7 every day what's he doing? Where is he? I will no longer live like this and I have told him and he knows I mean it.

I work 10 hours a day and he's home on disability. He was going over a freinds house who is unemployeed drinking and taking pills with her all day every day for the past 4 months or more. (Yes Her) I've had it. Like I said i am madly inlove with my husband but I don't deserve the *** that he's laid out on me. We both know I could do and deserve so much better. Of course when i got firm and said no more, i was filing, that's when he decided to go to rehab.

I do want it to work for us because we had a great marriage before this pill thing, yes he drank too much many times but I always dealt with it. If he comes home and screws up once or I have to worry where he is, I will file for divorce no matter how much I love the man and end my suffering.

 

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paw replied on Wed, Dec 29 2010 8:46 PM

I understand how it's affecting you, it does that.  The addiction, tries to pull everyone in.  Just remember this.  IT's his addiction and he is accountable for his choices.  He doesn't have a right to lay a hand on you, addiction or not.  Alanon will help you deal with your anger and frustration over this.  HIS ADDICTION....remember that.....Feel free to message me anytime you want to talk....

today is the next step in the journey......paw

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Hi Desiree,love understands but at the same time it wants the best for the other person. It does not tolerate wrong doings. Paw is right, you should attend AA . You can only give what you have-it means if you are happy and comfortable with your situation that is the only time that you can give him the comfort that he needs. And remember, no one has the right to hurt you, especially the man you love.

 

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