Hello everyone, I think I posted here before, although I can't recall if this is the right site. I must say I like this site the best, as you are a very encouraging bunch. I hope you can help me in my struggle and I will try to help anyone I can, here or anywhere else.
I started drinking at an early age (13) and have done it regularly, with several efforts to quit in the last few years. My health has deteriorated in the last couple of years, heart problems, brittle diabetes and tests reveal alcoholic hepatitus.
My doctor says I can recover from these, or at least be healthy enough to have a good life, but the alcohol has to go. They say brittle diabetes can be due to psychological problems, my blood sugar numbers range from 5 to 29 regularly even being away from alcohol.
They have kept me off work for the last year and a half and that is when my drinking spiralled out of control, all these days with time to kill. Well anyhow, I am on day 4, which is 3 days longer than my previous attempts and feeling strong.
Thanks for listening.
Michael
I went back and read your other posts and want to give you a BIG CONGRATS on day "4"!!!!! Are you going to any meetings? Have any family or close friend support? I always encourage face to face meetings in early recovery. Some great people are in the rooms. Get some phone numbers, and use them. Maybe get a sponsor. They'll help you when you have those cravings, and what might trigger them so as to avoid those things. They'll offer rides if you have a problem with transportation.
And keep coming back here. Let us know how it's going with you. Anytime you feel the need to vent, here's a place to do it.
If you want to talk, contact one of us, we're here for you.
today is the next step in the journey......paw
Thanks paw,
I will send you a more dtailed reply when I get back here, just wanted to say thanks for now...
Hey Michael!
congrats on 4 days!!! Keep comin back,like all, i would suggest a support group for yourself,if you can find something to occupy your mind during the days(sometimes volunteering in a helping manner can be a great enhancement for your spirit) and try to stay in the day.we can do most anything if we just look at the day ahead and not project about all the 'what if's etc..Part of the hardest point for me was thinking "well what the heck am I going to do now,can't party with my friends,no more concerts,there goes the pig roast parties,etc.I was actually the catylist in some of my "surviving friends " getting clean.I also was a drummer in and out of bands and that was part of the lifestyle.'We didnt become addicted overnite ,so remember 'easy does it!The strength will keep growing ,stay diligent and put your trust in "power greater than yourself" I wish you peace...mikef
MIKE F
Hello again,
I have been to AA meetings before and of course there are some great people there, I have met several and can call when I want. I see an addictions counselor roughly every two weeks.
I don't really even know if I get classic cravings, I just get to a frustration level where I say to myself, oh what the hell, I may as well get a bottle, then away I go.
As for trying to keep myself busy, I deliver meals to the elderly 2 days a week and do volunteer grief counselling when needed. Helping people is my first love and I hope I can do that or something like it for a living in the near future.
I spent 7 years as a Police Victim Services volunteer and have plenty of experience in that field. I will know by next Thursday if I can go back to my old job, which is not what I prefer, but that sounds great to me right now.
As for support, I have been truly blessed with a lot of wonderful friends who will do anything they can for me. As I said at a meeting one night, I don't have to hang with different people when I quit drinking as my friends do not approve even slightly, me destroying myself.
My family is about 50/50: alcoholic, drug addicts and some who have no addiction problems at all.
I must say I don't appreciate support from someone who drinks daily, then tells me that I have a problem, but if I mention the hypocrisy, the war is on.
As it is this evening, I am still feeling strong and glad to be sober. Thanks for letting me vent again ~ Michael
Thanks for sharing that with us. Sounds like to me you have a great heart. A warm, giving person. And smart enough to know that when the time is right, you'll put the bottle down. Let's hope it's now.
The support you have is awesome. A lot of people don't have that. I had/have that and it's a great feeling to know that they're there when I need them.
Keep on keepin' on.....And remember, it works if you work it.......
Hi Michael!
Focus on one day at a time. Family can be difficult! That is why we must learn to care for ourselves and worry about relationships later. We shouldn't worry about what others think about us. Fixing our defects and improving ourselves before we even begin to try to appologize for our mistakes. A lot of our families want us to come out of treatment or detox, sober living places, and be 100% better. They don't realize a person won't change overnight. Just keep working on yourself! We are here if you want to talk!
Keep coming back!
Ann
Thanks Ann,
I thought I might post something I wrote to a woman whose mother is in her seventies and drinking all the time. This is where I come from family wise:
Hello again, I can definitely relate to all you are saying, if I didn't know better I would think we were siblings. You are in trouble for bringing up the elephant in the living room. Your brother or sisters don't want to rock the boat by admitting mom drinks too much. Hide it from the in laws, they'll never catch on. This may seem like a strange statement, but when I checked myself into a detox center I loved it there. Nobody was in denial, we were all in the same boat...refreshing it was. As for your question about do they realize that they hurt other people, certainly not in my experience. Example: I had a DVD on stress where the speaker's family was quite humorous and reminded me of my own family. I made the mistake of giving it to mother past cocktail hour saying I borrowed it from my addictions group. She exploded, " You are the most sarcastic ***, I have ever met!" With a controlled rage I said, "you don't even know what it's about." So she watches it and the next morning told me it was good. I asked her if she felt like an ass for exploding, not at all. I tend to get into trouble for saying what's on my mind. Mother was giving me a speech about my drinking one time, and I looked at her and said, "listen to Billy Graham". In *** again, oh well. I hope something I have said may help you understand or make it easier. Maybe take in an Al Anon meeting, I hear they are good. I can't say for sure as I am on the other side, but I'm on day 5 alcohol free! Take Care ~ Michael
Day 5, wow, good work!!! This is a holiday weekend so stay with the sober people, meetings if you can and of course someone is always here. Keep coming back.....
5 days!! its big!!! You'll see the fear of "weekends like this"(partying times) will go by and you didnt have to "use" Like I was saying before(for me) hardest part was learning how to live out of my own head and not projecting into 'WHAT CAN i DO iF I dont party>>Soon you will be saying "man what a waste of a life!! We';ll be ,by Gods grace , here then also.Proud of you man<keep on rockin!!'The therapuetic value of one addict helping another is without parallel (Basic text NA)Not just a "cute" saying its the joint,it works!!!
Hello Paw, MIkef and Ann,
I just wanted to thank each and everyone of you for your support this week from the bottom of my heart. It has been a great help and makes abstinence so much easier, another 5.5 hours I will be starting day 7!
I would always get to the point where I said to myself, nobody really cares, why not get gooned? Now it stands that I know you care and one of the main reasons is I don't want to let you down.
On to 7 and beyond!
Yeah, I've said many times, "No one will know." I will...... And no one cares.....You're right there are plenty out there that do and what's amazing to me still, that you can walk into a meeting, don't know a soul, next thing you know, you're offered a cup of coffee, given a hug, thanked for showing up, have phone numbers given to you, rides offered. Sometimes the only thing you have in common is being a drunk.....
Then I came here and guess what? A bunch of people you may never meet face to face, some of them you don't even know what they look like, and they care too!!!
Congrats on that sobriety, keep up the good work, and don't let YOURSELF down either. You're worth it and we're here for you.
keep comin back,everyday if you feel it is helping!!.We have all been where you are and have all had same feelings.One thing I would suggest to you is although we are proud of you and you "dont want to let us down" you must do recovery 'for yourself. We are here to support you but remember "people can let you down" so by letting yourself trust in the God of your understanding and "keep wanting it" you will not have to rely on what others think..I am proud of you and definitely know what this period is for you..Keep around your support group and keep sharing how you feel(sometimes when you write it down and let others see where you are coming from things can get a little more clear.)'Just For Today" I will be unafraid,my thoughts will be on my new associations,people who are not using and who found a new way of life.So long as I follow that way, I have nothing to fear.!! (Basic Text NA) peace mikef
Hello Michael!
Good job on day 7! I have to agree with Mike F. While we do care how you are doing, you need to do this for yourself! This is about you getting better and learning to love and care for yourself. Learn that you are worth every effort you put into this. There are many people who are willing to help you along the way, but they will come and go. Some you will never hear from again. You are the one who will always be there for yourself. You are the one who makes all of the choices. Be nice to yourself! We are always here if you want to talk.
Hello Mike and Ann,
Thank you for your replies, I do understand that I am in this battle for myself, but I sure appreciate the encouragement, it is helping me a lot. I just hope I can help someone along the way the way you people have inspired me. ~ Michael
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