The big debate that I hear is that users choose to get high everyday. Since I've been to over ten different treatment centers over the years I have switched my oppinion that used to be choice. I now truly believe that using is a disease. The worst part is that it's a self inflicted disease because prior to using it isn't there. What really changed my view on this was when I was at Sober Living by the sea in Newport Beach, California. They had a guy do a demonstration that had some serious background with addiction. He was a military doctor that had been discharged for substance abuse so he dovoted his life to getting to the bottom of it. His theory after 20 plus years of research was that it's a disease of the mid brain, you know where some of our biggest thoughts of survival occur. He said usually a person put into a situation of life or death would get the hell out of there because that's that first thought in the mid brain. Now after getting to a certain point with drugs you don't care if your going to die to get your drugs. There was one time where I faked that I got jumped by a gang by beating myself up and cutting parts of my body so that a grandma that had oxy 80's would give me her script. Another instance was a day when I got caught shooting heroin into a vein in my foot while sitting in my car on what was supposed to be the first day of school in college. Some girl walked up the side and saw my bang a bunch of nappy brown water tar into myself. You might ask why I was using my foot, "its' cause no other vein was in good enough condition to work, and that includes my neck. You can't tell me someone would choose to do that stuff. Even though I agree that everything has a choice. Even though I've given examples about while I was using now hear one about while I'm not using. There has been times when I've had like 6 months clean and a friend will call that is a bad influence. I can tell him that I'm not coming over. But then all of a sudden I find myself in the car on my way over to relapse and I honestly know whats at stake but I do it anyway's even though I totally want to choose not to. At that exact time using was more important than food, air, living, having a family, having a job, staying out of rehab, and spending thousands of dollars on a bender. You can't tell me that all those things stacked up against the choice really make it so you'll choose not to. IT"S A DISEASE I TELL YOU. Alot of people don't want to believe that they will never be made whole again but it's true. You just have to realize this and live with it as a sleeping giant that you keep asleep forever through hard ass work. And getting the 2 and a half years I have right now was nothing short of that. Well I'd like to get your opinion and sorry if parts of this don't make since. I've had to walk away from my computer a few times in the middle.
Hey Ryan, welcome to th site and big congrats on your hard earned 2 1/2 yrs.
My doc was booze and let me tell you I worked hard to get my next drink. I also reached a point where I didn't think I had a choice except to drink till I passed out. I didn't want food, didn't care if I was clean, or what any one thought of me including myself.
It's a great post and took courage for you to write it. I hope you'll stick around with us and post more.
today is the next step in the journey......paw
Hello Ryan!
Good job on your 2 1/2 years sober. Big debate is correct! I think that people that don't have a problem with it ,or are in denial are quick to tell you it is a choice. Most alcoholics and addicts will tell you it is a disease. Thank you for sharing your viewpoint with us. I don't think I've met you, so welcome to this site! Hope we hear more from you!
Keep coming back!
Ann
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