Hi everyone!
Glad to see that people are still here and there are new members as well! Welcome to all and keep coming back. After seeing all the new posts with such negative comments, I wanted to take a moment to start a topic on a positive note. I believe the best topic would be Let go and let God. It just so happens that my homegroup was on the first step last night and it reminded me of how much I love the first steps. If you really think about it "let go and let God" is the first three steps. In step one we surrender (let go), in step two we find hope, and in step three we let God. I find that through applying this slogan and spiritual principles behind our steps that my life gets so much easier and no longer have to deal with drama. I no longer have to fight! Anyone else have thoughts to share?
I haven't posted for a few weeks. I thought in light of all the negativity I might share some positive that has come into my life that goes along with Let Go and Let God.
A few weeks ago, my son was kicked out of the halfway house because he was using. Those were the consequences and he knew that. He had been given numerous chances.
I spent countless hours in my codependent state right along with him. I picked him up at 1 a.m. in the morning and I drove him to two detox centers, spent hours waiting for him to get in. He got referred back and forth for 48 hours. Finally he was admitted to one for 24 hours and discharged back to the other where he was told he would have to stay for 72 hours. I had already made arrangements for him to go to another round of intensive rehab against my better judgment. I wasn't sure if he was truly serious. I had a feeling he wasn't ready.
Within 24 hours, the detox center called to tell me that my son needed to go to the hospital because he was seen with two girls that had snuck drugs in and he was shaking uncontrollably. He got on the phone and told me he wasn't going to the hospital that the shaking was due to the librium they had given him to help him detox. So, who do you believe? My son who has told me for the last three weeks how everyone is out to get him and how everyone tries to make it seem like he is always doing wrong? Or a treament facility that deals with this every day? The detox told him he either leaves or he goes to the hospital. They asked that I come get him.
I made a decision right then and there. I was at an orientation with my younger son going into junior high school. I told my older son that he should take the advice of the center and go to the hospital and if he chose to leave he would be on his own. I told him I loved him but I was through catering to his addiction. The detox center called me a few minutes later to tell me that my son had left with the two girls that had taken the drugs. I hung up the phone and tried to enjoy the orientation. Wow, God took that one out of my hands. My son had no phone and I had no way of knowing who these two girls were.
The next day, I had made a few calls to people I knew and asked if they had seen my son. One person admitted to me that my son had become an IV drug user and the friend was really concerned for him because he had no clue what he was doing. Wow, my son was now a full blown junky!
48 long hours later a friend of my son's calls me because she is concerned. No one that we knew knew where he was. So, I made a decision to turn his phone back on. Bingo, he answers first ring. He is alive. OK. Now I can sleep. That was all I wanted.
A few days later I met with my son to confront him on his IV drug use. He denied it and I told him to get out of my car. He admitted it then but said it only occurred once or twice. I could tell he was under the influence and begged him to let me take him to get help. He was more worried about getting back to his drugs than he was about me. I told him if he got out of the car, he was walking out of my life. He got out of the car. Wow. That hurt.
On Sunday, my quiet, shy 11 year old son went forward in church and asked for prayer for his brother. He cried the entire service. This was something very powerful because my son is so shy he will not shake your hand for anything. People came up to me after service and said they felt the power of that prayer.
One week later my son texted me and said "Mom I need to get out of here, please help me." I couldn't do it. I told him if he wanted to get out, he'd have to find a way back himself. He called a friend and she picked him up and put him in a hotel room for the night. My son also made some telephone calls to someone from our church that runs a Suboxone clinic and made an appointment for the next day. I went to pick him up for church. He looked like death warmed over. His arms were black and blue and swollen. His nose was blistered. Oh my.
So, during church he went into full blown withdrawals. He told me it was OK he did it to himself. We went to the clinic and spent two hours. I was leary. I've read so much controversy on the drug. I watched as my son took the first dose of Subutex. It was amazing.
That was 2 weeks ago. He's been clean ever since. He is in a very loving Christ-centered halfway house about 30 minutes from me. He attends bible studies and meetings. He is a completely different person. Why, because it was his choice. I had to step back and let GOD help him to his feet. I couldn't do it anymore. I'm a strong person and in this instance, perhaps it was a liability. My strength became my weakness.
I cannot thank the halfway house enough for the love and support. But I also know that six weeks ago, even with Suboxone, my son would not have been ready for the tranquility he is experiencing now. His roommates are average age of 50. They put a parental block on the TV for his MTV channel. He quietly went to the house manager and told them that he had a dilemma and handled it with grace. They prayed with him when he went to turn himself in for an outstanding warrant.
God answers prayers. I don't care if my son has to stay on Suboxone for the rest of his life to curb the cravings. He was shooting 1000 mgs of Oxycodone a day. The chances of his being able to overcome those cravings were slim to none without the assistance of Suboxone and the power of prayer. He was the perfect candidate for the medicine. The doctor told me if he kicks the addiction at age 20, it will be a miracle. One day at a time. Never stop praying.
Tomorrow my son goes to a funeral to represent the halfway house. A young 30 year old man was shot down last weekend outside of a nightclub. This young man was supposed to come to the halfway house twice and chose to do more research before surrendering. The house manager is taking several young men to the funeral to represent the house and also to put them face to face with the reality of addiction.
Peace and love to all.
Hi Floridian,
Thank you so much for sharing this story. It brought tears to my eyes when hearing what you went through because I did the smae thing to my parents. By the grace of God, I will be going home in July to make ammends to my family for all the destruction I caused in my active addiction. This will also be the second time I have seen them in almost four years. I also did Suboxone Outpatient treatment and have been clean since March 22, 2006. I am 26 years old today and life couldn't get much more beautiful. Your story offers hope is a perfect example of the power of God. Thank you for sharing!!!
Floridian, thank you so much for that post. Courage is what I see you've instilled in your kids. That's awesome. I'm glad your family is doing well.
Karebear, as always, it's great to hear from you.
today is the next step in the journey......paw
What an amazing share. I really enjoyed reading that. It's amazing what can happen if you do just let go. Such good advice there!
Living a happy, joyous, and free life by embracing the mind, body, and spirit.
Where as i don't believe in the suboxone maintanence, who am i to tell you its wrong for your son. If it keeps him clean from heroin and he can live happy, joyous and free, so be it. there is so much negativity on this site lately, your post has brought it back to its true purpose. Thanks.
I had a lot of reservations about the Suboxone myself, but the fact that he is two weeks clean with a clear head without being locked up in a rehab facility for 30 days is something I've not seen. So, I am amazed. He was awake on his own this morning, praying and preparing to go to the funeral for the young man I mentioned above. If you would have known him a few short weeks ago, it took a bomb to wake him up, and then he'd fall back to sleep. So, we'll see. He takes it very seriously which is something else I've not seen in a LONG time.
Thanks for all the great support.
I would have reservations about giving up one drug only to have another fill it's place, but as 'they' say, what works for you. Sounds like he's headed in the right direction and with your love and support, that he'll continue. Sorry about the young man's death. It's always sad to see them go so young.
Here's an update...
Over the last month, we have been a mother/son team across our county. We have volunteered on planning committees for recovery month celebrations. We have worked at homeless shelters and churches. Today, my son sits across the table from directors of the largest recovery centers in the county (and we have 94 licensed ones in our county), and the licensing branch of the substance abuse programs for the state and the county drug coalition and he voices his opinion. He was offered a job on the substance abuse consumer advocacy board for the county...all with 45 days clean. The drug coalition offered him a chance to work at their booth a large concert in a few weeks. Next week he cuts the ribbon for an opening ceremony at the first rehab he went to last August. I've watched his confidence grow. I've watched him open his eyes to the world and see that there is so much more to life than the underworld. I've watched him cross barriers even those in recovery for years have not managed. And on every application and every form he fills out, he never fails to mention that he is where is his today because of tough love and that he enjoys giving back to others because his mother never gave up on him. As they say in the commercials...priceless.
My son still lives in a halfway house. It is a house that he loves with guys he considers brothers. They have a fan page on facebook and had shirts made so they could "represent" when they were in the community working. We were both miserable when he was at home. I felt responsible for his every move. He's never been allowed back into my home, but that didn't change our love for one another. He is held accountable for his actions at the house, but he is encouraged and shown how to become a man by men that work the steps and walk the walk...something his father was not able to show him due to his alcohol abuse.
I thank God every day that he blessed me with a child that showed me that even in my darkest moments and my worst nightmares, God has a plan. All I have to do is trust in him. Everything happens for a reason. One day at a time.
That's fantastic news. How wonderful for you and job well done, (in progress). I wish you both all the best and hope that together you can keep the recovery working.
Hello Floridian!
I am glad you are posting, and letting us get to know you! I am also glad that your son is doing well now! Sounds like you are a good mother. I hope he realizes that!
Keep coming back!
Ann