So I was just wondering what yalls take on this is.
My sponsor is pretty cool we get along well and talk quite often. Do I really need to call him everyday? I find that to be a bit too much. It also seems that he doubts my sobriety, I don't quite understand why but it's whatever he's not the only one that has and proley still does doubt my sobriety but that's fine my higher power and I know the truth!
Also it seems as though I'm working the steps with him and not gettin a whole lot out of it. This was kind-of presented to me before I started my step work but it seems the fact is that AA & NA work through the steps a bit differently. In NA it seems as though they try to get as much and gain as much knowledge out of the steps as possible. AA on the other hand it seems they just want to get you through the steps. Has anyone that has been or is a member of both fellowships noticed this? Maybe its just how it is down here?I currently have an AA sponsor right now but I've been contemplating trading out getting a different sponsor one from NA.
I also find it a bit strange that before I wasn't really working the steps other than on my own and my desire to use had nearly vanished. Now as I'm working through the steps with my sponsor those insane thoughts have been coming up more often than they were before in fact a bit too often I think. As some people tend to say our higher power wants to test us but I dunno it seems as tho this is more than just testing me.
Any thoughts or suggestions thanks in advance!
~Phil
Being defeated is often only a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent!
Let me first say that I've never had a sponsor and have not 'worked' the steps. However I have been around tons of people that have from both programs. Some people want to get through them quick and then they go through them slower a second time around. I have found that NA people seem to go through the 'first' cycle slower. I also know people that have been sober (AA), for 15-20 + years and have gone through the steps all their recovery years. I really think it depends on what you and your sponsor work out. But that's my humble opinion.
today is the next step in the journey......paw
The leading rule for the lawyer, as for the man of every other calling, is diligence. Leave nothing for to-morrow which can be done to-day.henrymaquli
OMG!!! I'm sure there's more lawyers than there are rehabs. I liked it better when Spam was just a canned meat product........
Honesty, if you are having doubts about your sponsor...and he is having doubts about you. It doesn't sound like a good match.
Just because someone offers to sponsor you doesn't necessarily mean that they are the right person for you. I went through several sponsors before I found someone I really connected with. Many people have felt as you do... and fall away from AA or NA because they don't seek out more help.
A sponsor should support you, not mistrust you. There is no shame in seeking another sponsor. The important thing is to connect with someone who will help you and guide you through the steps. This is your recovery program and it is vital that you feel comfortable within this setting.
As you acquire more time in the program you will come to learn that while the room is filled with addicts and alcoholics, we come in all sizes, shapes, and varieties. Have you liked everyone you've ever met in your regular life?? The answer is probably no. The same is true for the rooms of AA and NA. There are people we can connect with and some we can't.
Picking a sponsor is like picking a best friend out of room of strangers. It may take a few selections before you find the right one.
CJlovestigger... I'm a work in progress
Thanks yall, cj that was quite helpfull from my point of view much appreciated. I actually selected him after many months of debating with myself. I think you basically pointed out everything that I was subconsciously thinking. Maybe I just needed confirmation from somebody other than myself. I guess I still have some doubts about my own thoughts sometimes, whether it's the right thing to do, does this make sense. Which I'd imagine can be expected now that I see where my thoughts and actions got me before. But I have a lil bit of clean time under my belt now I guess I can start trusting 'some' of my thoughts. Def not quite all of them but some of them makes sense now!!! Amazing what sobriety brings to us! One day at a time!
To Be Continued......
DJ,
I was active in AA for my first year, and had two sponsors. Both of them requested that I call them often. I never did. One, I am not a phone person. And two, I had nothing to say.
I did do the steps. I took my own time with them. I think you should find a sponsor that meets your needs with the steps, and work from there.
You might want to look at getting a temporary sponsor until you find the right one.
Living a happy, joyous, and free life by embracing the mind, body, and spirit.
Hey Phil and everyone,
Been awhile since I've posted, but I'm still clean and serene :) I saw the post on sponsorship and wanted to share MY expereince, stregth and hope. I know for ME and ME alone that NA is the fellowship for me. I have had AA sponsors and NA sponsors and have the best sponsor in NA for ME. She is my sponsor, my sister, my mother, and my best friend...all in one...DO I need to call her everyday, no. But I continue to call her everyday because I love her and miss her if a few days go by without conversation or seeing her. It wasn't until I found the sponsor I have today that I actually began to heal. However, I cannot say which would work best for YOU. Whatever works for you, do it. It sounds like this sponsor is not working well for you so find the sponsor that will work for you. I went through many sponsors in order to find the right one for me. You are not responsible for your disease, but you are responsible for your recovery. It is a gift that should not be taken for granted. Recovery is not for the people that want it, not for the people that need it, but for the people who are willing to do the work and live the spiritual principles instilled in ALL programs of recovery.
In regards to AA and NA steps being worked differently...yes I've seen the difference, but I have also seen very in depth steps worked in AA and very quickly worked steps in NA. It all depends on the sponsor and how they work their steps. I know my sponsor has me do A LOT of work on my steps. I have over 3 years clean, have been with my current sponsor for 2 years and have just completed my 9th step. I am right where the God of my understanding wants me to be though and I have accepeted this. My sponsor also tells me that the NA steps are designed to heal from the inside out. It makes no difference what step I am on and it's not a race. The steps are for ME to grow and what's the hurry? WHen I complete step 12 all I'm going to do is start back and number 1. It says in the Basic Text that step 12 is no the end, it's a whole new beginning. I will continue to work steps my entire life and feel that is a priveledge because I get the opportunity to learn and grow and know myself on a deeper level. That is the beauty of the steps.
My suggestion to you Phil is to find something, anything that works for YOU and you alone and DO IT! Hope this helps and keep coming back NO MATTER WHAT! Much love, Kerry
You said that quite well Karebear.
Phil, I hope you can see that many of us have had more than one sponsor. We have all works the steps in different ways and in different amounts of time.
Self-doubt is part of the recovery process. In time, you will learn to trust your thoughts, feelings, and judgements.
One day at a time kiddo.
Karebear, as always well put. Whatever works for you..... CJ, it is SO good to have you posting again.
Hey Phil!
Having a sponsor that you like is important. I didn't call my first sponsor very much either. Everyone is right. Take the time to look for a good one. It's like having a job you don't like. Keep the old sponsor until you find one you like.
Keep coming back!
Ann
Thank you all for the feedback and suggestions I truly appreciate it.
Honestly I was doing pretty well without a sponsor. My sponsor now could not figure out why I was doing so well without one. I believe it is because I had that spiritual awakening and had worked all the steps on my own before I was even active in either of the fellowships. Yes I couldnt "completely" work through some of the steps that way but it was in fact very helpful.
But regardless of that I have pretty much set my mind on finding a new sponsor one that will better suit my needs. I also talked it over with one of my good friends and he basically told me the same that yall did and that maybe my sponsor really needs to do some more work before he continues sponsoring people. I guess that could possibly be the case. I have a couple people in mind one in paticular who is super active in NA and seems to have a really solid foundation. I'm going to have a chat with each of them and weigh out my options.
It just dawned on me that my sponsor has been acting as though I'm brand new to the program and just walked through the door. Which is not the case, maybe he is used to sponsoring people that just come in or that is how his sponsor was with him. I don't know but what I do know is I'm going to keep coming back! And working this program to the best of my ability, living and enjoying life one day at a time!
Thanks,
Phil
Phil,
It's good that you have some friends in the program. Keep looking for sponsors. LIke ANN stated, it's like finding a job.
Also, there may be reasons why your sponsor treats you as if you are new to the program. I wouldn't take it personal. Mabye he feels that it is best to start afresh, or to take things slowly. Mabye you should try looking at the situation differently.
You sound like you are doing well. Keep on keeping on. C
I find that AA and NA a simply to differnt groups. It just depends which one you attend. There are some NA groups that are stronger than others and some AA groups that are stronger than others. They still will get you sober though. It is not a general thing. If you find an AA group that is not getting a lot out of the steps that doens't mean that all AA is like that. In my opinion, I find I lIke my AA group. There seesm to be a lot of long term sobreity and strength there.
In regards to your sponsor. Stop fighting and just surrender to the process. If you do everything your sponsor tells you you will get sober!! If you start doing it your way, you will no doubt relapse. Remeber, it was your thinking that got you to AA in the first place.