Need to know I'm not crazy- or I am but????

So I've only been sober 79 days.

 In a nutshell I had been involved w/ a woman for 2 years while I was drinking and using. It stopped our relationship from going anywhere. Very dramatic....heavy, intense , passionate.......and yes we did/do love each other.

 But she couldn't handle it when I really crashed. She lives w/ her "Partner" and two kids (although they are not intimately together). This was always a bone of contention for me. Anyway......about 4 months ago I hit bottom.. I was constantly drunk or high. There is a guy that has liked me for going on 2 years now...with whom I was friends with.

He stepped in when I hit bottom. He sat with me, rubbed my back, bathed me, fed me...everything. Never went away and saw me into rehab. He loves me. What I thought was obligation I"m questioning now (as far as me being w/ him b/c he helped me so much). I have real feelings for him. But is this possible in early recovery? I miss him when I'm not with him. I'm attracted to him.

But here's the kicker . The woman in my life, now that I'm clean and sober, wants me back and I can't figure out whom I love, who I"m in love with, who's better etc.....EVERY DAY I think something different. Today one person the next a different. And I'm getting worried . About everything. My sobriety, love, ...etc.....And I have a 4 yr old to take care of.  Should I be alone?

 Please any advice ........or words of wisdom.

 

  First let me welcome you here.  You are NOT alone.  You may be lonely, but not alone.  

  I truly believe that what you need to be focusing on right now is YOU and your 4 yr old.  You have to become comfortable with your recovery.  Make time for YOU,  Be sure you can handle life sober and with your child.  I understand perfectly the 'idea' of having someone there to share in your new found life.  And someone to talk to that's above a child's level of conversation, but you have to give yourself time for your recovery to become a real part of your life. 

  I'm glad you found us and had the courage to share your thoughts with us.  Please come back and let us know how things are going.  We're here for you.
 

Only 79 days?  Congratulations because every day counts.  Please don't sell yourself short.

Paw is right, you are not alone.

Thanks for sharing.  It is the process in beginning to recover.  It takes courage and hope. 

I think personally that in early recovery we come first (you and your child).  You can not be good for this little person or yourself until this happes.  For me it was not until I gave up a relationship that my recovery really began.  Of course this is only MY personal experience with relationships and recovery, but that was what worked for me.  No intimate relationships.

You will find your way.

Please keep coming back,

Hello and welcome.  Congrats on your sober time.  I hope you are proud of yourself.  

You’re not crazy, your just human.  I’ve been sober for little over a year and I still can not make up my mind on certain things.  

The general rule I was taught was NO relationships in first year of recovery.  And I stuck to that.  There is so much growing to be done, a relationship might just interfere with what your Higher power has in store for you.  But this is my personal experience and how I had to do it.  

Have you found a local group to get involved with?  

Keep coming back.  Clint

Welcome to our community. Congratulations on your 79 days of sobriety! That is AWESOME. I have to echo what the others have said; you must focus now only on yourself and your child. In early sobriety, it is challenging enough to have a relationship with the most important person in your life - YOU - than to have the other distractions you write about. Things will evolve in time with other relationships but NOW is when you have to take this time for just YOU and, of course, your child.

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