I have been with my husband for 10yrs. Well actually he is my ex-husband but we got back together even after divorce. He has been an alcoholic and addict since the day I met him so who do I really have to blame? Admittly I partied along with him many times- for some reason my life never revolved around drugs or alcohol but always him. The stunts he has pulled are endless and all the hurt is stockpiled somewhere inside me. I work, he doesnt and I do mostly everything for our 3 children depending on what kind of mood he is in. His everyday depended on whether he had money to drink or do drugs and if he didn't then watch out. So my everyday was dependent on that too! Well he is now in rehab- 4 days detox so far then on monday inpatient program. Honestly I never thought he would go and I thought I would be thrilled an relieved- why aren't I? Why aren't I happy? Why am I so pissed off and resentful to be there for him once again. How many free passses does he get? I know as many as i give him. I feel overwhelmed, angry , confused, sad! I didn't expect this rush of feelings , I thought i would feel betterr. Now I am stuck w daycare issues, money house kids work ect... and god knows I cant tell him that on the phone right cuz he cant deal w pressures! When does it ever end? When is it about me? When do I get a break? Last time he called he was going on a nature walk - how wonderful -it makes me want to scream. HELP!!!
today is the next step in the journey......paw
where is start a conversation?
I can see why you feel, why me? You keep the family together and he parties up a storm then you are supposed to be there when he decides he should clean up himself. I'd be choked too.
Hopefully for your sake he is sincere and you can have a shot at a normal life.
Good Luck,
MichaelJ
Hi Momofboys3!
Welcome to this site! I sent you a message (conversation) also.
Keep coming back!
Ann
Thank you very much. Just hearing someone not think I'm crazy or selfish helps!!!!
thank you very much. Just hearing someone doesn't think I'm crazy and selfish helps!!!
Addiction is a family disease. To your question, get the help YOU need!
Keith Bray, BA, MCLC
Coached To Success/Hope & Serenity
Coaching "The Creative Theory of Life Recovery"
OMG when I read your post it sounded so much like my life. My husband has worked on and off but he has always needed something to get by. I did like you partied with him in the beggining when we were younger I drank. Then I realized I married a alcholic then it turned to stealing my pain meds then pot. Finding out 3 years ago I have Lupus got real ill lost my job on disability. Well he up and left me and the kids last october found out he met and old gal friend from his childhood 9 years older and hooked up with her .I was happy he was gone at first then sad. I was so upset about the affair. He broke it off with her I guess but I over heard she wouldnt put up with his drug abuse hahahahah. I guess with in 2 months he was begging to come home would change go to church with me study the bible do all right. Well im a sucker I guess because I took him back with a broken heart. I have always seen what he can be when he is not on the addiction roll but its been few and far between. any how the latest is K2 or synthetic pot my nurse practioner said it works wonders for pain in Lupus and fibro patients so my husband gets me some oh crap never saw it coming...yep now he is addicted! I gave him an altmatum get help or get out! He called going to services for help on Tuesday. I think he needs a sober house he is freaking out with out it! Im not even touching the stuff because of him. On top of that guess what he stoll my whole months worth of pain meds and Im in such bad pain I wan to die. so all those feelings are in me. Im glad he called but a part of me wishes he would leave now go away far away and never call me. He has hurt me in so many ways its just not fair. Can this work? Will he love me enough to make it work?
Married 8 years together 9 I have 3 kids 2 from a first marriage and I adopted his son.I raised him as my own for 8 years . I have full custody in case he does anything fishy again.
my email is rainofawildflower@yahoo.com if you would like to talk to another women who knows to well the pain and mixed feelings toward a man like this.
Your maybe new friend
Heather Ann
Wow is right. Our lives are crazy familiar. Doesn't that help when you read something and say HOLY CRAP thats me!! Just in the few weeks that I wrote that things are different. One he left rehab about 12 days in. At first I was angry and reacted with resentment and wanting to control. I wanted to start aalon groups to learn to control him or find the strength to leave him. What I really need to learn is how to not try to control him and control myself!!! Honestly I see him really trying to figure this program out ( he still goes to a day program) more than I ever saw in the ten years. I don't know what the future holds for him but I know I cant control in or change it. I have to tell myself that his recovery is his all day long. What I now have to figure out is MY recovery!! The thought of how different things will be and how long the recovery process is , is daunting. He told me they said in group that he won't physically feel right for 2yrs. I wanted to jump off the bridge then- oh boy- i guess thats why they say one day at a time!!! I have aalon books that I am reading constantly. I started with my old therapist again and i am going to go to a meeting this week. My husband brought home the aa book, his counselor gave him and told me to read this chapter on wives- well WOW did it fit! It gave me a new perspective , yet I felt like I would have to read it 5 times a day.
I know what its like to be left with all the consquences and you wonder when is their turn? I dont know- but when i figure out how to let go of that resentment I'll let you know!!! Another thing i am noticing is now he has all these feelings from things he never processed cuz he was too messed up. That is coming with alot of anger and it is not fun. It will take time for him to figure out how to handle things since he never did. He wants me to hurt because he does. The learning is everyday for both of us!
keep in touch and tell me what is happening!
Brooke
Hello,
Have you read "Codependent No More?". It is a good read, and it discusses a lot of what you've mentioned. You can actually download the audio version on iTunes, or pick up a copy in a local library. It is typically regarded as being a "must read" for those with family members in active addiction.
Living a happy, joyous, and free life by embracing the mind, body, and spirit.
Yes I did read that book years ago. My therapist had recommended it and I think it's about time I re read that!! Thank you