Personal Boundaries-Important To Set I had no idea what personal boundaries were for a large part of my life. Understanding what they are and then setting them and staying strong to keep them in place has been a learned skill; and one that requires constant vigilance. I allowed others to put me in situations over the years that instinctively made me feel uncomfortable. This was particularly true with those I cared about. I wanted to please them at the expensive of myself. Today I set boundaries. Others may try to ignore them or cross them, but for the most part I maintain them. When my boundaries are encroached on, I begin to feel uncomfortable inside. I now pay attention to these feelings. This has resulted in those around me, over time, changing the way they interact with me. Is this an easy process? The answer in my own case was no. Others did resist the change in me but I have learned I am not here to make others happy. I have a right to set the boundaries that are appropriate for me. Other people have learned to live, and live quite comfortably, with the new me. Ah, to be comfortable in your own skin! To enjoy increasing periods of hope and serenity in daily living. To appreciate the value of self and to be able to give to others from a position of strength. A large part of this personal growth was a direct result of learning how to set personal boundaries that were correct for me and maintaining them on a consistent basis over an extended period of time. There are many out there who struggle on a daily basis with boundary setting. They feel the discomfort yet don’t know how to assertively (not aggressively) make change. I’d love to hear your comments about personal boundaries. (www.hopeserenity.ca)
Personal Boundaries-Important To Set
I had no idea what personal boundaries were for a large part of my life. Understanding what they are and then setting them and staying strong to keep them in place has been a learned skill; and one that requires constant vigilance.
I allowed others to put me in situations over the years that instinctively made me feel uncomfortable. This was particularly true with those I cared about. I wanted to please them at the expensive of myself.
Today I set boundaries. Others may try to ignore them or cross them, but for the most part I maintain them.
When my boundaries are encroached on, I begin to feel uncomfortable inside. I now pay attention to these feelings. This has resulted in those around me, over time, changing the way they interact with me.
Is this an easy process? The answer in my own case was no.
Others did resist the change in me but I have learned I am not here to make others happy. I have a right to set the boundaries that are appropriate for me. Other people have learned to live, and live quite comfortably, with the new me.
Ah, to be comfortable in your own skin! To enjoy increasing periods of hope and serenity in daily living. To appreciate the value of self and to be able to give to others from a position of strength. A large part of this personal growth was a direct result of learning how to set personal boundaries that were correct for me and maintaining them on a consistent basis over an extended period of time.
There are many out there who struggle on a daily basis with boundary setting. They feel the discomfort yet don’t know how to assertively (not aggressively) make change. I’d love to hear your comments about personal boundaries. (www.hopeserenity.ca)
Keith Bray, BA, MCLC
Coached To Success/Hope & Serenity
Coaching "The Creative Theory of Life Recovery"
Hi Keith!
Correct! This is why many people will not change! Their need to please others and to fit in and be cool over takes their need for happiness. Some people are afraid to be themselves, is society to blame? Why don't people stand up and be themselves. Not everyone will like you, but who cares as long as your happy? This is a big part about changing.
Have a good day Keith and everyone else!
Ann
I hear you Ann, I have been 8 months sober and members of my family are still using and think my whole personality has changed for the worse. I try to tell them I'm not in an alcoholic fog and think more clearly. My mother and brother drink daily, but claim they never drank like me when I was abusing, so I should stop and rethink the way I am now. It's quite a struggle
Hi Michael!
I know! Sometimes you need to hang out by yourself in order to get better. Sometimes meetings are a good way of just getting out of the house for awhile. Work on yourself, not your family. Do you have any hobbies you like to do? Drawing, painting, running, biking, photography....these activites keep us busy. We don't need to be around people when we do them.
Keep coming back!
Hello Michael J. How are things in BC?
How often do you visit with your family? You may need to limit the time/ and conversations, spent with them. One option is to make a stronger effort to befriend others in a local recovery group, so that you can have some positive support around you.
All my best!
Living a happy, joyous, and free life by embracing the mind, body, and spirit.
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