As featured in the June, 2007 issue of
Recovery Today
In
inherent limitation of the medical model is ignoring the fact that
‘pathological dependence’ implies that a relationship, one that is emotional
and psychological in nature, has formed with the substance or activity (i.e.
gambling, porn, etc.) The ‘pathological dependency’ is a pathological
relationship, one in which there is continuous and increasing emotional
involvement. The relationship with a source of relief that
serves primarily to provide relief from emotional pain or frustration by
bringing on a rush or high, pleasure, excitement or as an escape, i.e. use of
mind/mood altering substances, gambling, pornography, sex.
Etiology
& Pre-disposing Conditions
The etiology of addiction may be accounted for as
being the result of non-emotionally nourishing relationships. The Relationship
Model of Addiction is based on the premise that a relationship with a source of
relief is driven by the need to relieve pain from unmet emotional needs. Emotionally based pain comes from unmet
emotional needs, and leaves one in a dysphoric state thirsting for euphoria, or
the most easily accessible, effective means of relief possible.
What happens when we’re deprived of emotional
nourishment? When we are unloved, don’t receive the affection, attention, acknowledgment and appreciation we require? When we don’t feel heard and
understood? When we don’t feel like we belong, or are special in anyway? When
we don’t feel connected to someone? There is a build-up of hunger, shame and
emptiness and the need to relieve this pain takes over. At some point,
desperation sets in. One way or another, we’ll find relief. We’ll either find
external sources of relief in the form of substances, activities or other
relationships, and rely on tried and proven defense mechanisms at our disposal
in the form of denial, delusion and deception.
The Relationship Model of Addiction establishes a
new standard for understanding and treating addiction. It expands the disease
concept by re-defining addiction as a relationship. The model accounts for the
cause of addiction as related to the preponderance of non-emotionally
nourishing relationships, unmet emotional needs, the resultant pain and need to
relieve that pain. It identifies pre-disposing conditions as a backlog of pain,
general state of dysphoria that goes beyond past and current relationships and
includes the much larger social context. We know that despite the fact that
this pain is subjective in nature, it is no less real or consequential that
physical pain. Therefore we may assume that the greater the emotional
deprivation, the greater the pain, the greater the need to relieve that pain
and the more susceptible one is to becoming addicted.
The Relationship Model brings forth
phenomenological or experiential, humanistic and existential perspectives;
sheds light on the psychological dynamics of addiction; and holds profound
treatment implications. We know that recovering addicts must eventually make
the transition from “pathologically” dependent relationships based on the need
for relief to sober healthy, intimate, emotionally nourishing relationships.
Regardless of one’s experience in past and current relationships, learning some
basic principles, pitfalls, challenges and skills, can be an empowering turning
point and unleash one’s creative potential.
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Daniel - A lot of what you're saying rings true to me. I know that when I
was getting sober the big AHA! moment came when I realized that continued
success wasn't about maintaining a negative relationship with alcohol, but
starting to develop and deepen a positive relationship with life. And
that's played out in my coaching career as well - when I can get clients to
focus on being in a relationship with themselves and with life they tend to
sustain growth and progress. Thank you for your insight.
StephenC
Daniel Linder is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Addiction
Specialist and Relationship Trainer in the San Francisco Bay Area. Author: Demystifying Addiction (The Relationship Model of Addiction) Relational Recovery, just released: Intimacy,
The Essence of True Love, and numerous related articles.
Addiction,
Recovery, Relationship Blog: http://www.sober.com/blogs/relationship_recovery/
To order
Books: http://www.relationshipvision.com/books.html
E-mail: Daniel@RelationshipVision.com
